1. The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.
2. The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.
3. Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.
4. We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.
5. Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.
2. To accommodate his relatives, the family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19.
ReplyDeleteI think that's an improvement, but who does "his" now refer to in "to accommodate his relatives"?
ReplyDeleteWe spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows, playing Scrabble and reading.
ReplyDelete4. We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch, playing Scrabble, reading, and watching the cows.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think that Ava's sentence has a list in which an Oxford comma may well make meaning clearer for a reader.
ReplyDeleteBy shifting "cows" to the end of the sentence, Ava has managed to make it clear that the cows are not playing scrabble or reading (sadly), although the comma she's added between porch and playing potentially creates a list in which all four activities are separate. The intended meaning of the original sentence seems to me to be that the three activities were all done WHILE sitting on the back porch. This meaning is not communicated by Ava's sentence.
I told you punctuation wasn't my strongest suit, although I see where you are coming from. Thanks!
ReplyDelete3. Mrs. Shirley Baxter went deer hunting with her husband and both are very proud that they were able to shoot a fine buck.
ReplyDelete1. The burglar - white, 5'10", weighing about 150 pounds, was about 30 years old with wavy hair.
ReplyDeleteElena: yes, your version of sentence number 3 is clear, but I think that the problem in the original sentence is that the writer wants to express that: a)Shirley Baxter is proud, and b) her ability was equal to her husband (she could do it "as well as" her husband. How can we express those two ideas more clearly?
ReplyDeleteMegan: I think that 2 dashes ( - ) would be better than one. You could also do with an "and" in there somewhere. What do you think?
ReplyDeleteTry to find a few examples of dashes in text that you have read recently. How are they usually employed by writers?